You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
