Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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