im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
