my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
