i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
