Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
