if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
