Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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