i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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