Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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