Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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