there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We were destined to go to rehab together
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
