Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
