My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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