There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
