the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
