How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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