i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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