It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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