The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
