Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You're like the curious george of whores
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
