That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
