I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
