have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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