I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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