And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
