Yo dont text me then not text me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
