That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
