entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
