LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
