so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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