That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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