So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
