So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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