Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
then he tried to convert me to islam
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i now understand why vodka
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
