my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
