Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
