my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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