part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
