I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
