i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
