whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
