Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
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