It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
