do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You are the jesus of drinking
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
