The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
