My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
