I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
