So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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