I want to have your abortion
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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