but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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