umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
