I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
