i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We need to rekindle our bromance
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
