best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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