I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Small penises have feelings too.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
