You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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