Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
