Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
