Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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