I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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