where am i from again
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
