my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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