Non-Jews are for practice
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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