how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
