fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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