but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
