Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
