Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
