Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
