he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dick very happy bro
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
