is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
