oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
