the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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