I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
