I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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