please come you make the beer taste better
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
