You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
