omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
