I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
