I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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