Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
