i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i drank out of a bidet.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So much rum. So many feels.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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