this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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