I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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