He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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