I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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